A Story

If you cut open my head and took a look at my brain, you'd find thousands of thumb prints from the thousands of people that have left their mark on me. And one day, I'll get the biggest damn shovel I can find and dig the biggest damn grave and put everything I have ever learned from the world in that hole and cover it up.

A Story

There once was a single point that erupted cataclysmically in the largest explosion in history. Dust flew in every direction, and drew together over billions of years. Stars popped into being, and planets began to circle them, drawn in by their massive gravity, but balanced by their own movements. On one, or perhaps a few, of these planets, something happened, no one knows what, and a living creature was born. This particular creature managed to survive and multiply, its descendants crawling up onto dry ground, going through many many changes, over billions of years, eons and ages. And eventually, one of these creatures gave birth to another creature who gave birth to another creature who eventually stood up and looked around, and that continued on for a bit, until one day one particular creature was born, and was named Justin, and he is the reason why you're reading all of this right now.

Not The End

Fantastic, wasn't it? But the story doesn't end there. Oh no, there's a second part too.

The Second Bit Which is Somewhat More Depressing

There once was a group of creatures on a certain planet which orbited a certain star in such a way that the creatures living on the planet were blessed with a large amount of natural, usable resources. They used these to build very big planes and fast cars and televisions and laptop computers and toothpicks and small golden statues they used to give to people that were good at pretending to be people they weren't. All this mucking around with their planet began to take its toll in the form of big grey clouds that made it hard to breathe, and green slimy bits that floated in water, which meant you had to boil and filter everything before using it. It didn't help when the internet was invented, and mind-bogglingly stupid shows came on the television, and some people sat around anyways and got really, really fat, while other people had to pick in the garbage for food because they didn't have a television or a computer to get fat in front of. Also, some of them went crazy and started killing others with machines they had invented that shot small bits of metal, in schools and in churches and in other countries, etc. Some people didn't agree with this and decided to stop them by shooting bits of metal at them.

Also Not The End

There's a third bit too, but that part's really depressing and I don't much feel like writing about it now. Why don't you try?

No? Alright, I'll have a go at it.

The Third Bit

There once was a group of mind-bogglingly stupid, fat creatures that had shriveled up legs because they never used them for anything, and big eyes and hands they used to watch and change TV channels and Youtube videos. They relied on tiny robots to move them and feed them and do their laundry and sing them lullabies when they wanted to sleep. Procreation was limited to two massively obese people squeezing against each other and slapping their chunky bodies together, in the slim chance that things might actually fit and that neither of them had a sexually-transmitted disease. Eventually, they all got so dependent on their technology that when the power went out for a day, millions died because they couldn't remember how to use the toilet, and others died because they forget how to light candles and tripped down the stairs. The sad part was the government had little cameras everywhere spying on people and they were laughing at all of this before their hearts gave out and killed them. The only people left were the ones who were picking through piles of garbage for food, because they didn't have Youtube or American Idol.

The En- No no, wait, that's not right. Let me try again.

The Better Third Bit

There once was a group of creatures that had a couple of problems, but didn't let it get to them. After nailing someone to a tree for suggesting it would be nice if they all got along, they finally got the message and decided that it would be nice if everyone was treated fairly. So they got out more and talked to people in real life, and exercised often, and ate healthy foods, and started walking instead of driving cars around, and took time to look at the stars, and learned how to cook instead of ordering pizza every night, and everyone was better off. The sky was blue and the water was clean and everyone had enough to eat without worrying about getting fat because all natural foods are pretty healthy for you. The people digging through piles of garbage for food only did it for fun after that.

The End

Well then. I liked that ending a lot better than the other one.